


paradise

by splashstar



Series: Paradise Nostalgic [1]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Relationships, Character Death, Cognitive Dissonance, Cynicism, Dissociation, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues, M/M, Music, Nihilism, No Dialogue, Overthinking, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24229294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: don’t you hear the elegant strum of the koto?the smooth whistle of the bamboo flute?the steady beat of the taiko drums?--au; kaito makes his way to paradise.
Relationships: Kagamine Len/Kaito
Series: Paradise Nostalgic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1747237
Kudos: 10





	paradise

**Author's Note:**

> in which kaito has two braincells but instead of both of them being dumb, they're very cynical and overthink way too much
> 
> the ship isn't the focus (in fact, gakukiyo and negitoro are implied as well but i made it so vague that it's not even worth tagging), but it's very there
> 
> insp: gokuraku nostalgic by mazop
> 
> (this is the prequel to "bridge"!)

from the moment you wake up, the world that surrounds you is wet with rain, as if the gods _(if those even existed)_ have seen through you and found out about your intentions, reacting with nothing but unbridled grief.

not like it's going to stop you, of course.

you glance down at the alarm clock next to your bed. you know no one else is awake yet because it's so early in the morning that not even _luka_ would be up. you slip out of your bed, throw some clothes on, and leave the note you had written the night before in your room, knowing full well that someone would find it there. the only thing is when, and who.

a bell tolls in the back of your mind. you start to walk.

then again--when would they notice you were gone in the first place?

now that you thought about it, probably right away. you could clearly picture meiko with a look of both confusion and worry, asking the others where you were or if they had seen you at all. miku would respond anxiously, realizing that if even _meiko_ couldn't find you, perhaps something truly terrible had happened to you.

luka would be as composed as ever--or, at least, she'd try to be--and do her best to calm miku down. she'd assure miku that you're probably fine, and that all they need to do is stay calm and look for you.

_although, if they did manage to, you don't really think they'd like what they find._

then you wonder--who would be the first to find your note?

probably len. he would have the idea of going into your room and seeing if you left anything that could be used as a clue--and he’s smart to do so, but you figure that would be his downfall. you could imagine him opening the door slowly, his _beautiful_ aquamarine eyes glancing carefully both ways and finally settling on an unopened envelope sitting on top of your neat bed. hesitatingly, he walks toward it and picks it up--upon closer examination, it's not addressed to anyone.

rin would be there, too, and her word would be the final nail in his coffin. as the more headstrong of the two, she would spare no hesitation in telling him to rip the envelope open. after all, she'd mention, _isn't he worried about you?_ and finally, his mind is set. he finds a pair of scissors on your desk and snips a side open. a lined piece of paper falls out from the orifice, and len, with nervous hands, unfolds it.

this, however, you can't quite decide on--how would they all react when they realize the implications?

anger? confusion? despair?

deep down, an honest part of you doesn't really want that question answered. you'd hate to see them upset to see you go, after all.

\-- _and, oh, your poor, poor boyfriend_. he's been with you through thick and thin, and for so long, too. he'd practically be a widower after this.

you don't deserve him. you don't deserve to be forgiven by him, not even if he so much as considers it, not after leaving him alone like this. he didn't even do anything bad to you, what did he do to deserve _this?_

nothing. he didn't do anything, and that's what makes you horribly selfish. you hope he would at least find someone else better.

suddenly, you're on a rooftop with no memory of how you even got up there. you drop your gray umbrella, which you don't remember picking up, allowing the raindrops to soak your entire being, and walk forward.

you had left your usual light blue scarf in your room, but even then, you aren't exactly wearing anything very suitable for the current weather; you're in a navy long-sleeve shirt, some denim jeans, and a pair of sneakers that have already been completely ruined by the puddles you somehow unknowingly stepped in. but it doesn't matter, right? wasn't like you were going to keep them on anyway.

you untie your shoes and pull them off, setting them down to your left.

you step up, observing the world around you. buildings aren't as tall as they seem on the ground. the snaking path below isn't quite filled with people just yet in these early hours, but you do spot a few umbrellas shuffling about. you wonder if the people under those umbrellas could even see you from down there, although you doubt it considering all they were probably concerned about right now was getting out of the rain. in that sense, you suppose humanity is naturally selfish--ironically, it should be a survival instinct, but here you are.

drops of water fall mercilessly on your body, establishing a rhythm and rolling down your face and hands, but they were far from tears.

there's no reason for you to cry if you're going to be happy.

you hear your name.

you turn numbly, and there's gakupo standing there at the door to the stairwell, a black umbrella protecting him from the rain, his hair unusually untied. maybe you weren't so cautious after all. you stare at each other for a bit, until he yells at you to get away from the edge.

you pause--but why? isn't this what you want? isn't this what you'd been working towards? why, then, are you hesitating?

_don't you hear the elegant strum of the koto?_

_the smooth whistle of the bamboo flute?_

_the steady beat of the taiko drums?_

finally, you decide that you're glad he seems worried, but you ultimately refuse his advice. instead, you smile gently, thanking gakupo for seeing you off. you admit to him that you hadn't intended to have anyone follow you, but you suppose it doesn't really matter now. of course, he doesn't believe a thing you're saying, but you don't exactly blame him.

he's coming closer now, but very slowly. he tries to reason with you, mentioning how devastated everyone would be if they find out what you've done if you proceed with this. they'll be fine, you assure him; they're very strong, and you're proud of them for that. they can get past this. you know they can. in a calm voice, you tell him to take care of len for you, and to send your regards to kiyoteru.

he retorts back, but still doesn't come close enough to grab your wrist and pull you forward.

_he's too late, anyway._

you shut your eyes and step backwards, letting yourself be pulled into the depths.

a light.

a wondrous, roaring sound fills your ears.

paradise beckons.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i was kinda awkward about posting this one but here it is anyway...maybe i'll end up editing it if i think i should
> 
> also i was listening to the song over and over trying to figure out if the traditional instruments i listed actually were being used (i'm especially iffy about the koto bc i tend to mix that up with other instruments in terms of sound), so if they're really different instruments then i'm sorry lol...


End file.
